© 2020 Dr. David Simonsen Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.
The happy day is upon you. Your immediate family is here, your friends are here, your relatives who you haven’t seen in years are here. All to celebrate you walking down the aisle about to marry the man of your dreams. You look forward to getting alone with him on your honeymoon, content and happy with no cares in the world….
The next thing you know he’s talking to his mother the first day of your honeymoon…that’s no so bad you tell yourself, except that for the next 2 weeks he probably talks to his mother 5 or 6 times and then asks if you want to skype with his mom and dad. Oh no….why didn’t you see this coming you have probably married the dreaded momma’s boy.
The momma’s boy comes in many shapes and sizes, but there are things you can pay attention to that will makes sure you know if you are dating one. I will tell you right now, that if you are dating one, you will most likely want to stop immediately unless you like being a third party in the a relationship. If you knowingly choose to go into a relationship with a momma’s boy then you must be prepared for the future ahead without complaints.
1. Too much affection
If you notice that your boyfriend is affectionate with his parents that’s a great thing. If you notice the affection is a bit much and it’s mostly directed towards the mom then there may be a chances that you might be dating a momma’s boy.
2. Doesn’t listen to your advice
You are a competent adult. You have been able to accomplish things in your life and you probably have some wisdom about some things. Yet, when you give this advice to your significant other they tend to tune you out. Yet, if their mom speaks the info it is something that is often taken as sacred truth that should be followed.
3. Gets all wobbly-kneed
In your relationship you will find there are times when you need support from your partner. They usually are pretty good most of the time at supporting you when you need it. When it comes to something that contradicts mommy they get wobbly-kneed. They have an inability to stand up to their mother. When you need to be supported they consistently let you down.
4. Your love-life becomes her life
If you consistently find that your future mother-in-law is giving you tips on how to treat her son, resolve or comparing you to past girlfriends…GET OUT….this means your momma’s boy is talking about his love life with his mother and that should be between you and he, not you, he and she.
5. Loving doesn’t mean changing
We each have our little idiosyncrasies. These are things that we should be willing to consider changing because we want to love someone deeply. This love should overcome to some degree those little things and thus we are willing to change. When your significant other asks you to change because it would please his mother….this should be a huge red flag to your that you probably are in a relationship with a momma’s boy.
So what to do? If you’re dating you NEED to make sure you pay attention to what is going on in the relationship. Don’t simply overlook these things as behavior that will change when you are married (it wont). If you are currently married to a momma’s boy then you need to be smart, consistent and proactive in how you handle the relationship. Boundaries and clear communication are going to be things you need to be fully engaged in.
If you both acknowledge that you want things to be better in your relationships I would suggest you seek out the services of a competent therapist who can help you navigate these tricky relationship issues.